Tv Talk Machine

Is Girlina a show-killer? Ah, we kid. I told Girlina, who came all the way from New Orleans to be at our Bastard Machine/TVTM Birthday Bash hootenanny, that she was the Paula Marshall of Question Girls. Let's hope not. But as you may have noted on a previous post, this and Thursday's second half podcast may be our last TVTM for a while (possibly forever), since Benny Evangelista is being recalled to the Business department to help cover the cratering economy. If we are going out, we're going out with an actual effort! We read e-mails and field calls. Yes, calls! In both podcasts! Thanks to those people who stepped up after my morose, brooding, angry TVTM and decided to dial. Cheers! And as someone pointed out -- that someone being me -- we can't end the TVTM because we never got to adequately outsource our questions to Amber in Canada! We must right this wrong. And we will! In the meantime, you can always write to Amber. Her answer column comes out on Mondays, when we normally tape the TVTM. It's almost li

Not sure this will make much sense to anyone who wasn't there. I lived through it (barely) so I haven't even listened to it yet. But in the words of one attendee, it was "epic." We came to a movie theater in "the ELC," (the Cerrito Speakeasy -- thanks guys!), we saw (television shows, public displays of affection, boozing, the tossing of swag, etc.) and we recorded it for posterity. Or something. Here it is. Make of it what you will. Thanks to all who came for the beer and the pizza and the nonsense. There are pictures and YouTube videos in the comments strand of prior posts, so hunt those out. We're heading into the podcave for this week's version. More later.

Ah, it's a little case of "My Ever Changing Moods." Whatever. Hope you liked our PSA that opens this podcast. Here's the pertinent information for this Thursday's fabulous hootenanny -- aka, the late birthday party for The Bastard Machine and The TV Talk Machine Podcast. (And yes, we're going to show some new fall fare and some great stuff from the vault, plus play some music and perform a live podcast -- much less dark and prickly, promise -- with Joe Garofoli and Benny Evangelista). And yes, we'll be throwing DVD boxed sets of cool shows into dark night air. Keep your head on a swivel. Here's a link to some cool photos of the KFOG TV Party at the Cerrito Speakeasy shot by Bastard Machine reader Kent Bunn. (Thanks, Kent!). These should give a sense of the flavor of the night. Of course, on Thursday we'll all be in shorty robes and we'll probably hit the bar a little earlier. And yes, we'll be playing the winner of our new "Bars" theme song. It's about the only thing darker than this particular podcast!

Well, we take calls. We take e-mails. And we answer them. Period. That's what we do. Give the listeners what they come looking for. Thankfully, most of them come to the TV Talk Machine looking for and expecting nothing. And so we give them lots of that, too. The good news is that Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) atones for his complete and utter lack of worth in the last podcast with a sterling effort here. Well done, QB. Then again, it could be that as many as FOUR Question Girl candidates will show up at our Bastard Machine/TV Talk Machine Birthday Bash at the Cerrito Speakeasy on Sept. 25th. Perhaps he's feeling the heat. He needs to step up. Hell, Girlina is coming in from New Orleans. If Gustav couldn't stop her, then QB certainly won't.

In this TV Talk Machine podcast, coming in at a sterling, entertainment packed 36 minutes, we get Manny (Benny Evangelista) back "working the knobs." In many ways, we missed Super Producer Sub Justin Beck. You always love what you can not have. But anyway, let's not defer the major announcement: Our Sept. 25 hootenanny at the Cerrito Speakeasy will not be a benefit (because we couldn't get the technology necessary to draw in celebrity phone-in guests), so we've made the executive decision to make the whole thing free. Yes, free. That's 120 spacious seats with tables and couches and leg room where you can order pizza, pints of handcrafted beer and whatnot. "It's our gift back to the listeners," says I. "You'll definitely get what you pay for," replied Question Boy (Chronicle media writer and political blogger Joe Garofoli). In this podcast, I almost fire Question Boy for being lame. The only reason I didn't fire him is that I still couldn't get Vera H-C Chan to come in and be Question Girl. You'd think her bo

More scintillating TVTM to prick up your ears. Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) says he has a "man crush" on Jon Hamm (aka Don Draper), proving yet again that we are fearless in our sexuality. We also fearlessly have no information. But then we get rolling and boy, is that a good time. We also pimp our next big hootenanny on Sept. 25, where we will be doing this podcast LIVE on stage (pause for tingles) at the Cerrito Speakeasy. Of course, we may have some technical issues -- like no phone line on stage. And the fact that for me to live blog the event I'd have to be in the lobby (but that's where the beer is!). We're trying to work around the phone issue (I put my cell speakerphone on and placed a microphone right next to it last night and got a bad feedback, plus it wasn't very clear, so we need a workaround). In this podcast, second in a week (!) I am mocked (no surprise there). Joe pimps his own podcast ("Under the Bus" -- which means I'm looking to replace him pretty quickly now with a Question Girl); we mak

After weeks and weeks of no TVTM to bore you with, we're back! And rustier than ever! The unprecedented work stoppage was littered with catastrophic failure at every turn -- vacations, actual work, other vacations, holidays, the lack of adequate or available fill-ins, Question Boy (media writer and political reporter Joe Garofoli) doing his other job, laziness -- you name it. Well, let me tell you, we narrowly averted yet another week without pointless rambling when, 41 minutes before Go Time, Manny (aka Benny Evangelista), sent an e-mail saying he was coming down with "a cough" and wouldn't be available today. Fearing rampaging crowds on an international scale, we rushed up to the third floor (where the power people are) and asked Super Sub producer Justin Beck whether he could fill in as producer. "Sure," he said. It was the one word he wished he hadn't said in the last 26 days. Once trapped in the Pod Cave, enduring a call-less TVTM (Justin was too lazy to pull them off the phone system), Question Boy and

Vacations (and perhaps some laziness) are taking a toll on the normally unflagging TV Talk Machine podcast production. This just in: Um, I forgot to post Part 2 from last week. (Hey, it was on the site, just not on the blog, and most of you seem to be getting it from iTunes anyway...). This also just in: Manny (Benny Evangelista) is on vacation, so he sent an e-mail virtually demanding that I wait to post the podcast until this week, which might make it seem new. I love his thinking. We've totally corrupted him. Also, Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) is on vacation, too. That leaves me, manning my own knobs. (Yeah, you pretty much had to see that one coming, like a neon big rig.) So, there's no TVTM this week, except for, uh, this new one.

Did a lot of work in Los Angeles, covering the Death March with Cocktails. Didn't do a podcast. Said I was going to do one -- or three -- and didn't. In this podcast, I fess up to that. But it's not really an apology. Who needs one of those? On the plus side, this particular podcast, complete with Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and Manny (Benny Evangelista), has yet another new theme song, features us calling out of the podcast for the second (and third) time in history and, brace yourelf for this: we're going to outsource a bunch of our questions to someone who can actually answer them. First we call Hanna from Sweden, who's actually Irish (and who was in San Francisco -- but it still counts!). We are trying to have drinks with Hanna, as promised, because it would really set a bad example if someone came all the way from Sweden, stayed in Oakland where both QB and I live, plus visited The City and had dinner a half block from The Chronicle -- and we couldn't fit them in for drinks. It will happen! Then we col

Was reminded that we posted this on SFGate.com but not on The Bastard Machine. And yes, I've got more audio stuff but am too lazy to upload most of it and forgetful in other instances and can't be bothered in still more. Oh, and too busy with words to bother with sound. Clearly a TV Talk Machine podcast from here seems very, very unlikely. Anyway, off to the CBS hootenanny.

Spike Lee was here representing his documentary on Kobe Bryant for ESPN. He touched on issues like Obama, the possible enlightenment of power people in Hollywood and the fact that he hasn't been able to make three films on black artists (but they will eventually get done). Here's a snippet.

The kinda-sorta lost episode of TVTM... Yes, it was posted on the front of SFGate.com, but as Benny "Manny" Evangelista pointed it, I never posted it to The Bastard Machine. Just a little housekeeping here and then back to the inanity of this day.

Back from Paris and a little rusty, but how could anyone tell? Question Boy (Joe Garofoli) and Manny (Benny Evangelista) are no longer sitting on their hind parts with nothing to do. It's the TVTM -- the same rambling and pointless lovefest for humanity (and the arts) that it was two weeks ago and several lost e-mails ago. There are two TVTM's this week before I -- your Citizen of the World -- head to Los Angeles (that's still part of civilization, no?) for the Death March with Cocktails. This time, I'm bringing down a very portable and efficient digital recorder, so Los Angeles Question Girls be ready.

Brutal. Another example of the dumbassification of America. And then some. But it's not our fault.

Oh, it's a thing of beauty. That's all that need be said.

It's the Roger Maris version of the TVTM podcasts. People afraid of the sun in Seattle e-mail us. "Bars" revisited (of course). The art of "laying down" a fine podcast. Also, "the promise of an answer." Benny considers getting Mista Evangelista sewn onto the back of his shorty robe. He also has another dream that goes nowhere. A message from College Park, Maryland. The Ol' Collie P. We talk about our Washington monuments. Kittens! Plus: A reader loves "Intervention." He's alone on that. Also: "We aim to bore." Then, it happens: Teacher Tim, our very own Official TVTM Archivist, goes over the previous 59 podcasts and digs up a ton of (mostly bad) vocal impressions, which he breaks into "the standards," "the rarities" and "the musicians." It's a litany of failure but it's an impressive bit of research. For the record, Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) does 95 percent of the voices. So blame him. Then "The Cookie" totally slaughters us. He's very, very mean. People in Connecticut are like that

We take a semi-long-lost letter from Israel, then various e-mails from around the country. We keep it tight and bright (if you've listened before, you know that's not actually true, nor will happen, but I add it here to lure new listeners). Boy, isn't life bountiful?

We at the TVTM podcast -- including me and, yes, our Question Boy Joe Garofoli -- admit that we didn't listen to TVTM 59. Maybe Benny did because he had to really do a LOT of editing on it, but if we assume that Benny was actually paying attention it only makes an ass out of us and Benny. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Chronicle that day and about to be interviewed right next to the Podcave and her bodyguards were looking very suspiciously at our lame podcast and wondering what we were doing. Here's what we were doing: Wondering if Nancy Pelosi would be Question Girl. Hey, it could happen. We'll work on it.

Tight. Bright. Angry. Obsequious. Oh, we've got it all in this podcast. We bring it. Our arsenal (read: something akin to the U.S. military instead of the British football club) is now vast. For example: "Bars." It's now a staple. Almost like Walton. But we bust out a lot of high-quality stuff this time. For example, Question Boy (Chronicle Media writer Joe Garofoli) does Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm going to say it's on par, right at this moment without any fine tuning, with Angry Regis. And boy, isn't that saying something. OK, here's what else we've got: Pointless rambling. Boston vs. Britain. Lashing out. Lusting out. "Dr. of Inanity." Benny/Manny reads his first e-mail (and he realizes, very quickly, why we pay Question Boy so much money). There's talk of "Top Gear." There's a lashing out against soccer, particularly all that crappy extra injury time stuff. Have I said we do "Bars"? Because we do. "What was his question?" We find out that we like women from Boston and the Upper Hudson Valley as much as we

The TVTM podcast: Making America great again, one unanswered question at a time. Oh, how we kid. First, this is an International podcast. We don't skew local. We even got a letter from Israel. Of course, Benny found it after the podcast, so that will get read next week. Secondly, we answered lots of questions. Oh yes we did. Question Boy (Chronicle media writer Joe Garofoli) was even reasonably articulate and focused. We hit the podcave running. We kept the podcast relatively short. Uh, "short." It's also lean, highly informative, balanced between e-mails and calls, fleetingly entertaining, almost cohesive and only periodically dips into childish humor, leering double entendres and spiteful recrimination between three men in shorty robes. Around here we call that a job well done. Go America!