Projectme

This is too hard. I GIVE UP!!!! I said this at least fifty times a week, the year I decided to end my life. Really, I had been saying it my entire life, but I didn’t feel anyone could hear me, or that anyone cared. Including God. But I kept pushing through, I went to every form of therapy I’m aware of, read countless self-help books, watched every damn episode of Dr. Phil, ate my feelings, drank my feelings, dissociated into work, exercise, relationships, and sleeping pills. All of these things did keep me alive, but I felt lifeless, like the walking dead. Zero excitement or joy for life, didn’t know my deeper purpose (and didn’t think I was good enough to have one), and I believed that God forgot about me. My outsides didn’t match my insides. As I was planning my suicide, I still had my gel nails on point, hair highlighted, went to the gym 6 days a week (often 2 a days), paid all of my bills, traveled all the time, partied, and even smiled in photos. No one saw my pain, even those I shared it with….they thou